A Look Back 8/7 - 8/13

Friday, 8/7:

• Went out to Greenport with my mom and the kiddies. My mom had some left over carousel tickets from July 4th. Lily and I rode the horsies three times. 

Sunday, 8/9:

• Went to Eisenhower Park. Dropped Dan and the kids off to play at the playground area and I went to do a photo shoot. I had a great model who wanted Rockabilly style photos. I got some amazing shots. They are posted on my photography facebook page if you're interested in viewing. Then spread the word. Thanks.
• Piper crawled for the first time!

Tuesday, 8/11:

• Had a consultation for a different pediatrician. Thanks to the recommendations of 4 different people we know, Lily, Killian, and Piper will now be going to Dr. Zaso in East Meadow. I liked what he had to say and he didn't judge me for having big babies. He just said that all babies grow at different rates and as long as they are within the parameters of what's healthy, everything is fine. This comment was unlike their now former pediatrician, who just told me I was overfeeding Killian and Piper and then leaving it at that with no suggestions on how to handle their weight. Oh, and when I told her what I was feeding them throughout the day, she didn't believe me. So disappointed since I've known that pediatrician since I was 12 years old. Oh well. Time for a change! 

Thursday, 8/13:

• Killian and Piper turned ten months old. They both are crawling. Killian pulls himself up to stand. Piper babbles up a storm. They both are picking up and eating finger snacks. Piper has eight teeth (four on top, four on bottom), Killian has six (four on top, two on bottom). Piper claps her hands whenever she gets excited or happy about something. And they both L-O-V-E their big sister, Lily.
• Had an eye exam. My eyes are a little worse than two years ago. Couldn't find frames I liked in that office so I told a couple of different ladies that worked there that I would shop around elsewhere for frames and bring them back to get fitted for the lenses. One woman was trying to tell me that I couldn't do that because the insurance was submitted for their office only. I explained to her that her office will do the lenses for prescription purposes, but I can and will get frames anywhere I want and my insurance will cover it. I told her I had done it in the past like that also. I think they might get commission on frames or something because another woman was trying to tell me that she will look in their basement for a style that I might like and call me when she has a few pairs to show. She said not to not go somewhere else since she probably can find something I will like. Then, a third woman was trying to convince me that every pair of frames looked good on me and I should just pick something. I told her I'm picky with what I put on my face because glasses are one of the first things people will notice about me. I have to really like what I will be wearing every single day for the next two years when my insurance says I can get new ones. Ugh. I hate people sometimes. 
• My mom and sister, Jackie, were over and we were sitting at my dining room table. Lily came over and sat on a chair...

Lily: "Mommy! One Beebo (points to my mom), two beebos (points to Jackie).

Me and my mom: Bahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! Sorry Jac. 

A Look Back 7/31 - 8/6

Friday, 7/31:

• I ran out of my Tassimo chai tea latte and ordered more the other day. Now I'm waiting for it to come and was hoping it would get here by the time I was done with breakfast...

Me: "Hey, Lily? Can you please check to see if my tea came yet?"

Lily: Looking out the front door - "Your tea not here yet."

Me: Disappointed - "It's not?"

Lily: "Have patience, Mommy." 

• Was putting Killian and Piper down for their morning nap. Put Killian in his crib first then brought Piper into the room and was changing her diaper. When I was done, I laid her down in her crib and looked over at Killian. HE WAS STANDING UP in his crib! This, being the first time he stood, I wanted to run and get my camera. When I got back into the room he wouldn't do it again. I will get this on video if it's the last thing I do!

Saturday, 8/1:

• After eating a Klondike Bar...

Lily: "Me eat ice cream like baby! Hahahaha!"

Sunday, 8/2:

• At the annual "Cousins BBQ" for the Maier clan, Lily had a blast swimming in the pool. It was also the first time a lot of my family met Killian and Piper.

Monday, 8/3:

• Thanks Aunt Krissy for my flamingo wings!

•  Lily disappeared for a little bit. When I finally decided I better go look to see what she was doing, I stumbled upon this...

• Lily's new thing is washing dishes.

• Went to Target with Lily, Killian, and Piper. Had to get them all, especially Lily, out of the house. Every time I told Lily to stay by the stroller she would say, "You serious?" Every time I told her we weren't getting something she wanted, "Awe, serious?" Yes, Lily. I'm your mother and I'm very serious!

Wednesday, 8/5:

• I had my very first mammogram done. I've always heard it would be the most uncomfortable and/or painful experience since they literally squish your boobs in a machine. I have to say, I didn't mind it at all. It was actually kinda comfortable. I told the technician that and she said I was the first woman to ever say that to her. She said it was probably because I nursed all my kids at one point and breast feeding really hurts. Umm... okay?
• During the mammogram they put these little round stickers on your nipples. Don't quite know why and I didn't think to ask. Because I have four large scars on my left breast, she had to put stickers (a different kind) on those as well. Maybe to tell the difference between scar tissue and something that might be wrong? Who knows. I guess I could look it up, but I'm too lazy right now to care that much.
• Went to Babies R Us after the mammogram. I saw a mother pushing her infant twins so I tried to connect by saying, "Aren't twins great? I have twins also." She didn't seem to care. I asked how old. She said they were three months so I told her mine were nine and a half months. Again, she didn't seem to care. I said that I didn't think my twins were that tiny, them being over six pounds each at birth. She told me, in a kinda rude tone, "Well, they were eight weeks early." So I responded with, "Oh. Mine were six weeks early." Again, she could care less. I don't know how it is for most twin moms, but I want to talk to other moms of twins. I want to feel that connection once in a while because, let's face it, if you don't have twins, you just have no idea what it's like. I want to share experiences, compare notes, and just have the knowledge that this person I am passing in time gets me. It's not like I'm some random non-twin mom who is asking dumb twin questions. I just want to have some sort of brief, intelligent conversation about twin life. But I guess she was too good for all that. Or she was just really, really tired.
• Lily was riding her tricycle and it got stuck on the grass...

Lily: "Help me, Mommy."

Me: "Just get off your bike and get it off the grass."

Lily: "No! You help me, now!"

Me: "That's not the way you ask for help nicely, Lily. C'mon. You can do it yourself. Get off the bike and push it off of the grass."

Lily: "Mommy, be a superhero, please help me."  

Me: Well, I had to help her after that comment. I didn't NOT want to be a superhero! 

Thursday, 8/6:

• Results from the mammogram came back: ALL CLEAR!

A Look Back 6/19 - 6/25

• Saturday, 6/20: Lily and I were looking at a picture of me when I was pregnant with Killian and Piper...

Lily- "When Lily big girl, me have Piper in my belly."

Me- "Well, you can have your own baby inside your belly."

Lily- "NO! ME HAVE PIPER IN MY BELLY!!"

Me- "OK. Calm down."

Lily- "Can Lily have Piper and killian in my belly?"

Me- "Sure, Lily. You can maybe have twins, too."

• Sunday, 6/21: Father's Day. It was a lovely day that consisted of breakfast in the morning, just the five of us. Lily gave Daddy her gift... Matching Mickey Mouse shirts. 
  

Then I took a pic of all of them...

Then I got the best father's Day gift of all... yeah, you heard that right. Dan took the kids to his parent's house and I got to spend some much needed alone time to get a few things done. After I danced and sang my heart out to a very loud mix of my favorite 90's girl bands, I cleaned a bit. It was a good time!

• Monday, 6/22: Lily is too funny...

Lily- "Piper is a brother."

Me- "No. Piper is a sister. Killian is a brother." 

Lily- "Killian is a son and Daddy is a son."

Me- "That's right! And what are you?"

Lily- "Lily a moon."

•  Also Monday, 6/22: This happened-

• Killian got his 2nd tooth this week. Now he has both bottom fronts. Piper already has four teeth. Is it wrong for me to tell Killian he's losing to his sister in the milestone department. Maybe I should stop that since, 1: it really isn't a competition. And 2: I really don't want them to feel like everything is a competition with the other.

Mom, I Understand Now

I now understand you, Mom. I understand what it must have been like for you to raise the four of us. I understand the love, the worry, but above all, I understand the stress. I understand and don't blame you for certain things that you did or didn't do for me. I once was so angry at you for not looking at a drawing I did. I must have called out "Mom" so many times. I carried that hurt for a long time, until my own daughter called out to me to look at her drawing. One of, what seemed like, at least twenty drawings within ten minutes. It's overwhelming and stressful not to be able to even have a moment to think in peace and quiet, and I don't blame you now for not wanting to look. I know now that you most likely looked the first ten or so times I called for you. Just like I looked at my daughter, but then needed to concentrate on something else for a second or two.

I understand now the stress you must have felt when you would smash a glass to the floor. I, so many times want to break things. It must have given you a few seconds of relief knowing that it's better to smash a glass than one of our faces. It sounds odd, but when you are a mother, you can understand how some people snap. You just have to remember that snapping is definitely something you don't want to do. It's better to just quietly walk away and sometimes, if the moment calls for it, break something.

Mom, I totally get why you sometimes just walked out the front door, got into your car and drove away. The noise we must have made. The yelling and screaming. The loud talking. The ganging up on you for attention. The wants and needs of all of us all day, every day, must have given you anxiety. Anxiety that I now feel. I thought I was having a heart attack one night a few months ago after a long and stressful day with Lily and the twins. I really just needed to drive away, as you did, to catch my breath. Just a little space to breathe even if it was only for a few minutes. No kids hanging on me. None yelling, crying, or whining at the tiniest of things. Just quiet. Lovely, I used to take for granted, quiet.

I get sacrifices and the ones you made for us. I never truly understood what sacrifice meant until I had kids. I will give up everything for myself just so Lily, Killian, and Piper can have what they need and sometimes what they want but not necessarily need. Giving up the last piece of cake, that cute top you saw when rushing through the store, hobbies, alone time. Some are trivial sacrifices and others are big, but I know I will never regret giving up anything just to make my kids happy and I imagine you don't either. I just want you to know, because moms don't get told very often, I appreciate every single sacrifice you made and still make.

I know now that when you jokingly say "... because I was such a bad mother" you're not really joking. You may want reassurance that you weren't a bad mom. Or you may feel that you really were because of certain things we may say. At one time, I may have thought some of the things you did or said were not "motherly" or caring, but that was before I became a mom. Moms are people, too. We aren't infallible just because we become mothers. Sure, we almost always know what's best, but we do make mistakes. Children will not understand that and they will hold it against us until the day they have children. Then, only then, do we as children understand. So, the next time you want to say, "...because I was such a bad mother," hold your tongue. You don't deserve to feel that way. Especially around me.

Out of the four of us, Mom, I'm the only one that gets you. I look back at turning points in my relationship with you. The first time I didn't want you to touch me lovingly. All the times I said I hated you. When I was embarrassed to be seen with you. I know these are phases kids go through, but I don't want to imagine what those moments must have felt like for you. I know that one day, my own children will do the same and when that time comes, I know my heart will ache. I also know that I will be thinking of how I now understand that part of you, too.

I love you, Mom. For everything you did and do for us, for me. I know that you will always be there for me and sometimes I don't even need to say one word, you just know that I need you. Just like I know when my children need me.

Mom, I understand now. I understand because I am a mom of three. I understand because my eyes are opened to your world now.

Sibling Fun

Yesterday, I was in the kitchen when I heard Lily call me to come see her. Uh oh. What was she doing this time? Then, as I came out of the kitchen, I saw this...

I love that Lily wants to play with her 6 month old brother and sister, but did I love the fact that she somehow climbed into the pack n play to do so? Uh... maybe not so much. I didn't here any screams of pain or crying, so I guess she made it in there without stepping or falling on one or both of them. That's a plus!

You Know You're A Parent of "3 under 4" When...

1. ... you hate laundry day because everyday is laundry day.
2. your 3 year old wants to march to the kitchen, bathroom, around the dining room table, or just about anywhere and you get tired after the first few steps.
3. ... before you feed the twins, you change one of their diapers and think "I can wait to change the other one's diaper until after they eat." Or you don't change both of their diapers until after they eat because, well, you'll just have to change them both again right after they eat anyway.
4. ... getting out of bed anytime in the night with twins is dreaded because you know as soon as you take care of one baby, you'll get all cozy in bed again and the other one will wake up.
5. ... you secretly jump for joy when someone, anyone, calls you up to take even just one child off your hands for a few hours - even if it's just to come over to play in his/her room.
6. ... it takes you two hours to get everyone ready and in their car seats to go out somewhere.
7. ... you have given up trying hard for your 3 year old not to put her snotty, coughy, grimy hands all over your 6 month old twins' faces. It's better for everyone to be sick at the same time anyway, right?
8. ... you realize you're sorta an expert when it comes to multitasking and laugh at parents of one who complain about not being able to get stuff done.
9. ... you fantasize about running away to a remote island or your car for a few hours.
10. ... you have all three kids hanging on you and you think, "I have an amazing life" then someone spits up all over your shirt.
11. ... someone spits up all over your shirt and you smile because you know you'll be doing another load of laundry that day anyway.

Buried In Laundry

With two adults and three children I sometimes feel like all I do is laundry. Then I look around and realize that it's true. I always have at least one basket of laundry left to fold and put away but then, guess what? I have to start all over again. So I don't think there will ever be just one last basket of laundry to put away. Maybe I'll start calling the last basket, the first. That seems about right.

Toddlers and Markers

OK, cute. Right? Also funny, but being the parent of a child who does this, you gotta be very careful how you react. When my three year old came into my bedroom Sunday morning with a huge smile on her face screaming excitedly, "Mommy! Lily O K.C.! Lily O K.C.!" I should not have laughed. Not out loud, at least. But I did. It was funny. She was funny.

Let's take this back a bit so you understand where my daughter came up with the idea to "tattoo" herself. My big brother, my only brother, has a ton of tattoos. Here's a picture so you can kinda get the idea:

This was Lily and my brother when she was two and a half months old, so she's seen tattoos her whole life. Nothing out of the ordinary for her. My brother, her uncle (or "O" as Lily puts it) also has a beard. Again, nothing out of the ordinary for her. Every time Lily sees a guy with a beard or sees tattoos, she immediately associates it with her "O K.C."

So, that was the back story. Flash forward to this past Sunday and now you know why she drew on herself. She wanted to be like her O K.C. and have tattoos. I have no idea why she was thinking about that and what prompted her to pick up the marker, but she did and it was very funny. I always see or hear stories about children who do this type of thing but never imagined my daughter would do it. I, myself, had once drawn on my body with a kid's blue eyeshadow "crayon." Long story short, I fell asleep and because I was a very heavy sleeper, my aunt and parents thought I was unconscious, turning blue because I was dying and rushed me to the hospital. I didn't wake up until after the nurse called over the speaker, "Code Blue!" and the doctor realized what was really going on. Good times. I wonder if my parents laughed about that one when we all got home from the hospital?

Anyway, let me say again how I should not have laughed out loud... This picture was from yesterday (Monday).

Great. Now she gave herself a beard. Still proclaiming she's O K.C. and very proud of herself. Remind me to hide the markers! At least we only buy washable markers, crayons, and paint for her so cleanup wasn't that bad. I also should be relieved that her artistic abilities of making herself look oh so fantastic, didn't spill over to her baby brother and sister who were sitting by her, most likely watching her do this to herself. So, thanks Lily? I guess?

Why I Know It's OK To Cry At Any Milestone

It's a sad day indeed. My three year old said "Killian." Well, she really said "Killilan" but close enough. Killian is her baby brother. I should be happy that she said his name. She's been able to say her sister's name, Piper, for a while now, so why is it making me sad for her to say her brother's?

To answer this question we must go back a year. January 2014 to be exact. January of 2014, around the time of her second birthday, Lily was only saying one coherent word, "Daddy." She then had her own language for everything else, including her own version of sign language. Point was, she needed speech therapy. We went through all the channels to get her an in-home therapist twice a week. Within six months, Lily was putting words together and you could sorta follow what she was saying. Then, by her third birthday this past January, she was done with speech and talking up a storm. There are still some words that she just can't say, but she's three and it just makes her sound so darn cute.

Anyway, one of these words was her brother's name, Killian. She could never pronounce it and her version of his name was "Titi." Don't ask me how she got Titi from Killian, but she did and I liked it. It would be what she called him, forever. Her own nickname for him. Unfortunately, it would come to an end. Out of the blue, a couple of days ago, she pointed at her brother and said, "Killilan." I was very proud of her for saying his name correctly. It didn't quite hit me though until she started saying it all the time. I asked her if she will still call him Titi and she responded with, "No Mommy. He Killilan." I teared up. I wanted to full on cry, but then I thought that was silly of me, plus my husband was home from work and I didn't really want to explain why I was crying in fear I would cry even harder.

My little girl is growing up. She's accomplished so much with her speech, but it hasn't really sunk in to what that really means until she said that one word, "Killilan." Lily is not my baby anymore. She's my toddler going on pre-schooler. She's picking out her own clothes to wear everyday and making other choices like what to eat and what color she likes - white. She's slowly becoming her own little person and it makes me so happy and so sad at the same time. I can only imagine that other moms and dads feel the same when their children reach a certain age or hit a certain milestone. It makes me wonder about my own parents and what was it that I did or said that made them think I wasn't their baby anymore? For that matter, what was it that my older brother did and my two younger sisters did to make them think that? Did it make them as happy and as sad as it's making me feel?

I don't even want to think about when my twins get to that point 'cause that will be it for me - no more babies. That part of my life will be over. I think that makes me feel the saddest. That's why I know it's OK that I cried over that one little word. That's why I know it's OK to cry at any milestone. My babies can't stay babies forever, except, maybe in my heart.

Dear Children,

This is your mother. You know, the one who sacrificed a lot to carry you inside of my womb? The one who painstakingly pushed you out into this world? You know me as Mommy? Anyway, I am writing to you today to let you know of a few fun facts about life right now. This is not to make you feel in any way, guilty or embarrassed. You should feel loved knowing that I am taking the time to write about you three and how you all make me feel. You should also feel honored that my love for you is now out there in cyberland for all to view. You are famous to those ten or so people who actually read my blog. Congratulations!

1. Please know that I love all three of you so deeply that it can make me cry at any point.
2. Lily, you are our first born, our rainbow baby, and continue to be our light after any dark storm. You alway want us to be happy and ever since you came into our lives, we truly are.
3. Killian, you are my little mushmallow, my cuddle monkey, and are just a sweet, little baby boy who can melt my heart with just a glance.
4. Piper, you are our last born, the baby of the family. You are always so happy with the most amazing blue eyes that shine as bright as sapphires. Your smile is intoxicating. 
5. I'm not too fond of your potty training or lack there of, Lily. I guess I have myself to blame, for the most part, but come on! You know when you have to go. You've kept yourself dry, always using the potty, for a whole week and then for a day here and there. Just do it all the time now. Contrary to what you may think, I do not like wiping your poopy butt.
6. Piper, it's not very nice to laugh at your twin brother when he cries. That goes for you too, Killian. Just stop laughing at each other when the other is having a hard time. It's not to say I don't find it a little funny, 'cause I do, but it's gotta stop.
7. Lily, farting on me and then saying, "Lily farted on Mommy" and laughing is kinda gross, not to mention rude. Please outgrow that soon.
8. Killian and Piper, I do have to say that I appreciate you not screaming your heads off when you have a dirty, poopy diaper, but a little heads up would be nice. I don't really like thinking that you have a clean diaper and then smelling, what I can only describe as toxic garbage, from across the room. Oh, and thank you for pooing at the same time almost always. The smell is doubled which makes me think that's where the term, "double trouble" came from.
9. Lily, can you please stop thinking that bedtime is nap time? You are three years old. You should be able to sleep through the night. And news flash: you used to sleep through the night before Killian and Piper came home. Just because you're a Big Sister now, doesn't mean that you should start acting like the baby. Killian and Piper will be six months old next week and they've been sleeping through the night for about four months now. I'm not telling you to be more like them, but please, be more like them and sleep through the night.
10. Killian, please stop spitting up three hours after you ate. It doesn't make sense and it's kinda annoying. I don't want you to have to constantly wear a bib, but if you're gonna be "Mr. Spit-up" then so be it.
11. Piper, I like that you are trying to sit up all on your own, but please know that you don't have to constantly try to do it. I mean, it's OK to relax every once in a while. Especially at feeding time or when you are already sitting up. Stop pushing your head forward and clenching your fists to your chest. We get it. You want to be a big girl, but it's really not a race here. Slow down.

There's a lot more I can discuss with you three, but I'll save some for later. Just please always remember that Mommy loves you, Lily, Killian, and Piper. Mommy loves you more than the beating of my own heart. 

I'll finish this post with a quote from Led Zeppelin's Thank You:

If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.

And The Samples' Nothing Lasts For Long:

Maybe nothing lasts for ever
Not the mountains or the sea
But the times we have together
They will always be with me

Love with all that I am and all I ever will be,

Mommy

Twins After A Singleton

When we found out I was carrying twins, my first thought was, "We need a minivan." My second thought was "How am I going to split up my heart to love all three of my children equally?" When you have one child, all of your love is meant for that one child. My husband goes to work everyday and I'm a stay at home mom so my days were filled with quality alone time with my daughter. It was just me and her throughout the day and I loved it. We had our morning routine, our afternoon routine, and once my husband came home, a night routine for the three of us. So when we found out there would not only be one baby breaking up the routine, but two, I was a little more than nervous about it.

How was my daughter going to react when it wasn't just her and me anymore? Having twins would take up a lot more of my time than if it was just one. How was I going to manage it? How was I going to love these two new babies as much as I love my daughter? Would I be able to still have quality alone time with my daughter and quality alone time with the two other babies?

I was scared. Scared until our twins came home from the NICU. Our beautiful, sweet, and caring toddler was all about the babies. She was and is like a little mommy. She's nurturing and loving towards them. It's an amazing thing to see. I think about some stories I've heard about older siblings reacting badly towards the new baby and we've definitely lucked out with not having to worry about that. She is the Big Sister and loving every second of it.

Funny thing is that my heart did get split up equally for all three of my children. I don't know how, but it did. All the worrying should've been geared towards another concern. A concern that I had no clue about until our twins were home with us. "Am I spending enough time with our twins?"

Yes, I spend everyday, all day with our twins, but our bonding time is somewhat limited. They share my attention with not only each other, but with a three year old who still remembers what it was like before they got here. A time when she had all of my attention. It's so difficult to just sit and hold my twins individually for a period of time before I have to pay attention to the other one or my toddler. I used to hold my toddler for hours. Just staring at her, caressing her face, memorizing every little fold in her chubby little arms and legs. Studying the curve of her mouth and just breathing her sweet baby scent in. I'm lucky if I get five minutes to do that with my twins. My three year old is a three year old. She wants to play all the time and wants all the attention on her. It's hard when I tell her I can't play because I have to not only take the time to feed one baby, but two. Then it's time to change, not one diaper, but two. Then it's time to calm down, not one baby, but two. Put, not one baby down for a nap, but two. Check in on, not one baby, but two. And so on, and so on, and so on. What might take a half hour with a singleton is now taking an hour or more with twins. That is my biggest concern now. How does this affect my toddler? The constant, "No, I'm sorry. I can't right now I have to ___ with the babies."

Luckily, my three year old is patient (as patient as a three year old can be). She will wait for me to be done with the babies, for now, but will her patience run thin? I just feel guilty sometimes. Guilty for always having to say to my toddler, "One more second." and "I'll be right there after I ____ with the babies." Guilty for not being able to hold my twins for hours like I did when my toddler was their age. Guilty for feeling guilty. I'm sure most moms go through this, especially moms of twins after a singleton. I guess we just have to keep reminding ourselves that we are doing the best we can with what we were given - one body, two arms, two hands, and only twenty-four hours in the day.

A Visit With the Easter Bunny

It was a typical Sunday. 7 am wake up call from my three year old leaning in close to my face and breathing heavily on me, laughing. My five month old twins making noises in their cribs while kicking their tiny legs a mile a minute. My husband covering his head with the blankets in hopes to not having to get out of bed any time soon. Yes, a typical Sunday morning except this particular Sunday was going to be a little different, we were going to be leaving the house.

Leaving the house is not a big deal. Not a big deal if you don't have kids. Not a big deal if you don't have a toddler and five month old twins to get ready. On this day, this sunny, mild March day, my husband and I decided we would all go to the mall to get a picture with the Easter Bunny. We do it every year since our daughter was born. The Easter Bunny and Santa pictures at the mall. This would be the first picture with the Easter Bunny for our twins. How exciting, but was it worth it? (of course it was!)

We planned on leaving the house around three o'clock. This meant I had to start getting my toddler dressed and hair brushed at twelve o'clock. Yes, getting a three year old ready to leave the house really does take that long, at least for my three year old. It's a struggle. A struggle to go potty. A struggle to find the perfect pair of socks, no... tights, no... socks, yes... socks. A struggle to pick out what bow to put in her hair. A struggle to eat something before we leave. Can you see where I'm at? It's a three year old's world and I am just the mother.

I also had to get our twins dressed. This meant having the very delicate decision to either dress them before or after they ate. I opted before for our son and after for our daughter. Of course it didn't much matter. Our son spit up before he ate, while he ate, and after he ate. He even spit up in the car on our way to the mall.

We then had to get everyone in the minivan. My husband put our toddler and one of the twins in first. Then I brought out the diaper bag and the other twin. I sat in the driver's seat. "Did you remember the receipt for the Easter Bunny?" (we paid online). Shit. I have to go back inside. "My friend, Mommy! And my baby." OK, so I go back into the house and get the Bunny receipt and my daughter's friend, which happens to be one of those toy poppers (the toy with the handle that pops balls around inside a plastic bubble when you walk with it). I also pick out a random baby from her bed in hopes that she will just except the fact I didn't know which baby she was talking about. I get back to the car and success! She decided not to have a breakdown over the "wrong" baby I picked out.

With all that we made it to the mall. We were walking through the parking lot, I look down and notice our daughter had her shoes on the wrong feet. How is she not complaining? She complains about her shoes, sneakers, boots, all the time because she would rather be barefoot, yet she thinks having her shoes on the wrong feet is comfortable? Ugh. We get inside and I help her switch them around. Luckily that was a smooth process.

Walking through the mall with a running, skipping, just plain excited toddler and a double stroller with twins in tow is an interesting experience. We get comments like, "Oh, they must be twins." "Wow, they have their hands full." "You must be the big sister?" "What are they?" "Are they identical?" "Are they twins?" We also get smiling faces, chuckles, sometimes looks of sympathy. It's definitely different from just going out with one baby/kid. Having twins almost gives you a bright, blinking sign that says, "Hey everybody! Come check me and my family out. Look at my three under four mommy life. Look, I have twins and a toddler. Look, look, look!"

Anyway, we finally get to where the Easter Bunny is. We always do the "Fast Pass" (order online beforehand) so we don't have to wait on line. This saves us a lot of time and also helps deter a possible toddler and baby melt down. I had to prep my daughter beforehand, telling her that she would not be able to sit on the Easter Bunny's lap because her baby brother and sister would have to be held by him. She seemed OK with it. Once she saw the bunny, she didn't really seem to care where she was as long as it was near him anyway. She was so star struck. It was adorable, at least to me and my husband.

The photo went off without a hitch. No crying babies, everyone was awake, toddler was smiling and looking at the camera. It was great. But the best part of the day: my husband and I didn't have to be in the picture like we did when we saw Santa this past Christmas due to toddler not wanting me to let her go. I don't want to be in these pictures so, yes, that was the best part of the day!

Britax B-Agile Double Stroller

Oh boy! It's here. Our new Britax B-Agile Double Stroller. I absolutely love this stroller even though I just got it and haven't used it outside of the house yet. With all of the great reviews it has gotten, how could I not have bought this side by side stroller?

Yes, I opted for the side by side for our twins. A tandem stroller just seems so cruel. Someone is always going to be stuck in the crappy front seat that doesn't lean back enough to take a decent nap or get stuck in the crappy back seat where all you can see in front of you is another seat. The side by side has no issues like that.

The B-Agile also has a lot of really nice features. My favorites include:

1. The canopies are H-U-G-E huge! Definitely no concern about the sun getting in anyone's eyes.
2. The seats recline practically the whole way which makes this a good stroller for babies and napping.
3. The basket can actually fit my, over stuffed because I have twins, diaper bag. And I'll have access to it through the back, sides, and front of the stroller. Yes, I did say front. The leg area of both seats has a zipper opening which leads to the basket. How cool is that?
4. The adjustable handle is awesome! I can even lower it enough where my three year old can push the stroller without having her arms straining to reach the bar. That is very important because like many three year olds, mine wants to do it herself.
5. What a ride. Not only are the seats nicely padded, but the suspension seems really good which makes for a smooth ride.

Now I need to find a stroller standing board that will fit this stroller. Obviously when I'm out with my husband or someone else, my toddler can use her umbrella stroller if she needs it, but what about when I'm alone? My concern is that I will be walking my three year old to pre-school come September when weather permits. I will have this B-Agile stroller for the twins, but what if my toddler gets tired from walking and wants or needs to sit? The school is a mile away so it is possible for her little legs to get really overworked. Britax does make a stroller standing board for older kids, but they say it's not compatible with the double stroller. Then I read a blog post review for the Joovy Bumprider Universal Stroller Board. The reviewer had attached it to her Britax B-Agile double stroller and said it fit perfectly. So that's something to think about. 

Bottom line is this: If you are in the market for a double stroller, you cannot go wrong with the Britax B-Agile Double Stroller. You will fall in love with it the moment you take it out of the box, I promise!

  

FYI: I am not getting paid to make any reviews. These are just the things I have used or do use and want to let more parents know about.

My Top 4 (Fictional) Parenting Role Models

There are a few television shows we watch at my house that have the best parenting role models. I know they are fictional and nobody can truly be all calm and collective by a rambunctious and/or destructive toddler, but I want to be that way most of the time. Here are a few parents or caregivers from shows that we as parents need to take note of so we don't end up stressing over all the things toddlers and older children do:

Mommy and Daddy Pig (Peppa Pig). They do get frustrated at Peppa and her younger brother, George, but they always talk in a calm voice and explain why something was wrong or bad. They don't yell or talk at Peppa as most parents do, myself included. It's really hard to keep a calming tone in your voice when all you want to do is scream as loud as you can at the fact your toddler has deliberately tossed her entire cereal on the floor all the while looking at you with a devilish look in her eyes as if to say, "Hey, Mom. Look what I'm doing. Whatcha gonna do 'bout it? Yell? I still won't clean it up, sucka."

The Man With the Yellow Hat (Curious George). This guy is so understanding it sometimes makes me angry. Then I realize George doesn't know any better because he is a monkey and I assume that's the reason for the yellow hat man's nonchalant approach to "parenting." Then I think that a toddler really doesn't know any better either and I should have the same attitude as well. Why get so aggravated by the fact my three year old turns getting her pajamas on into a game of run around naked and show off my butt? Is it really that important to be all serious with her about it being bedtime and not playtime. Why can't I take two minutes to laugh and giggle with her to show that I find her spirit and playfulness to be exactly how it should be at her age? Why do I have to make it difficult for her to enjoy life, which is basically what I'm doing when I yell at her for playing? I know there's a time to play and a time to be serious and get things done, but at three years old? How is taking two minutes to say, "yes, that's so funny and you are so funny, now let's get those p.j.'s on" gonna hurt? It actually takes longer to get mad than it does to go along with it. By yelling and getting mad in turn gets her mad and then a temper tantrum is on the rise. Just take a tip from The Man With the Yellow Hat and go with the flow every now and then.

Ruby (Max and Ruby). First of all, where are Max and Ruby's parents? They leave a seven year old to take care of a, what? Two to three year old? That's a different subject all together though. OK, big sis Ruby. She never gets truly aggravated by the annoyance that is her little brother. She explains her reasonings for things and calmly leads Max to do "the right thing." Of course, sometimes Max was right all along or he has happy accidents to seem like he was actually helping Ruby out. Nevertheless, Max is annoying and Ruby knows it but she also knows that he is a toddler and toddlers do play and get into trouble and they, for the most part, don't realize anything is wrong by what they do. Ruby, herself, is also annoying and bossy, but who's disciplining her? Not her parents.

All the adults (Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood). Not only do these adults have really catchy jingles to explain the reasonings about stuff, they always kneel down or try to get at eye level with the kids. This is a tactic I have noticed works a lot with my toddler - talking to her eye to eye. It must be intimidating to have a much larger person talk down at you in a stern voice. By taking a knee or sitting, you are making the situation a little less stressful for your little one. They may listen better to what you have to say rather than have a total melt down and scream at every little sound that comes out of your mouth. When I get down to talk calmly eye to eye with my three year old, she usually will comply with what I'm trying to get across and then wants to hug. It doesn't always go smoothly but when it does, it feels so nice.

So, the next time you feel like you want to strangle your toddler for whining and screaming for the fifteen-thousandth time to get what she wants, remember these parents and ask yourself, "What would Mommy Pig do?" Then take a breath, relax your mind, and try to calm the devil in your toddler.

8 Fun "Games" for Toddlers and Adults

Nope. It includes hours of internet exploring, blogging, facebook, and twitter updates all while the kiddies watch their favorite television shows and eat snacks. Duh.

Seriously though, I write my blog posts at night while everyone is tucked all nice and cozy in their beds. I take about 20-25 minutes every morning to get on the computer and post the blogs and update anything I need to. I don't have to do this, I want to. It gives me a bit of a break at 9:00 in the morning when I've been up for a few hours with already two screaming babies and one whining toddler. It's not my job, but I tell my toddler "Mommy needs to work on the computer while you watch one show. When your show is over, it's time to play."

Play. You would think playing all day would be fun or something that you might enjoy. I have a three year old. Playtime is one part boring and two parts exhausting. So when I actually do need to get things done in the house, playtime consists of some really fun games:

1. Throw the socks, shirt, pants, etc. in the washing machine. Kinda like basketball, but with dirty laundry. My toddler's favorite part is smelling the laundry detergent and pressing the start button.
2. Throw the socks, shirt, pants, etc. in the dryer.
3. Find the socks and undies. Just hope you finish folding the laundry before all the socks and undies are found.
4. Grab a dishwasher soap pod thingy and put it in the detergent compartment. Then press the start button. Really fun for three year olds.
5. Get all the clean spoons and forks out of the dishwasher and put them away. Just be mindful of the knives.
6. Sweep up the dirt and put it in a neat pile. This one takes some time to perfect. In the beginning, my toddler was sweeping the dirty floor randomly and just moving the dirt around but not actually cleaning up. Now she's a pro and loves to make a neat pile of dirt. Her reward is getting to vacuum up the dirt pile with the hose extension.
7. Use the magic Swiffer wand and make the dust disappear. 
8. Erase the fingerprints. I don't know about you, but I have a full glass front storm door and my toddler loves putting her grubby little fingers all over it. She also enjoys putting her mouth on it and licking it. Toddlers are silly like that. Some Windex and paper towels give you at least 10-15 minutes of playtime.

So there you go. Stay at home moms and dads really need to be creative when it comes to getting household chores done. Including your toddler in these activities and calling them games is just pure genius. These tasks may take twice as long to get accomplished, but your toddler will keep out of trouble while you two are doing them. They are too young at this point to realize it is actually work. Sure, sometimes my toddler gets bored by these games and I don't blame her. That's when I say, OK. Time to play kitchen or hide and seek or run around the table fifty times (she really enjoys that one) or scream "peek-a-boo" really loud and scary at your baby brother and sister and make them cry ('cause twins crying at the same time is totally funny and awesome) or whatever this little imaginative three year old can come up with. Then when all that is done, I will sit on my ass and enjoy my bon-bons (but of course, that never happens).

Photography Skills Help When You Are A Parent

My family thinks I'm weird when it comes to taking photographs of my kids. Hey, I'm an artist and photographer (Janet E Gorman Photography). Of course I'm weird and a bit of a perfectionist. This is what I do with my photography skills as a mother...

1. I take monthly shots to show the growth of my kids. I tried going to Sears Photo Studio when my toddler was three months old. HORRIBLE! Just horrible. Luckily I'm a photographer, 'cause I will never have to endure the disasters they call portraits, again.

2. I don't always take great photos of my kids. Sometimes I just want to be a mom taking pictures. With three kids to run me wild, I sometimes have to grab the camera quickly and just point, shoot, and hope for the best. Most of the time, those are the best photos anyway. Random and in the moment.

4. But when I want a good photograph, I take a lot to get it just right.

5. Sometimes I have to do a little finagling to get everyone to look the way I want.

Yup. I take different parts, in the case above, my son's and my toddler's heads, and re-do them. I don't do it all the time. In fact, I rarely have to do it, but this is one shot that called for it.
FYI - I only re-did my son's head because my husband didn't like the tilt of the head our son had. So I guess I'm not the only weird one.

I Need Mommy Friends

Sad, but true

I need mommy friends. Friends with a similar lifestyle. I'm in my, dare I say it, late 30's, and I need friends who can relate to me and who I can relate to. Married with children, home-owners, mom of twins would also be nice. It's hard to get together with my old friends. It's hard because of scheduling conflicts (theirs, not mine). It's hard because, as much as I love my old friends, we have nothing in common anymore. I am a sahm of one toddler and baby twins. I am a wife. I am a home-owner. I drive a mini-van for Pete's sake! My friends are still single. No children. Work full time. Even though we may have things to talk about, most of the time it's about the past. The past is OK, but, with a husband and three kids, I'm living in the present and looking to my future.

Is it wrong for me to want to move on? Is it wrong for me to want to keep these friendships even though we never see or talk to each other? Is it wrong to want more compatible friends? Is it wrong to get frustrated by all the cancelled plans (not by me). Is it wrong? Why am I made to feel guilty about wanting more? Wanting to hang out with someone who can get where I'm coming from. I can still get where my friends are coming from because I've been there, done that. But my friends have never been there, done that in respect to what my life is like now. I can't talk to them about the hardships of raising a toddler. About how annoying potty training is. About having been pregnant with twins and what it was like to go home from the hospital without them. About how hard it is trying to make it through the day without crumbling to the floor sobbing because you're so stressed out by all the crying and whining and screaming and all the times you have to say "No." About how awesome it is to have three children. About how awesome it is to have such a supportive husband. I can't talk about any of that. I can't have a conversation about the things that matter most in my life because it would be a one way conversation.

So I need mommy friends. This is a dilemma in itself because I am so bad at meeting new people. I suck at small talk. Sure, I can write pretty well, and I may seem outgoing in my writings, but I am an introvert when it comes to face to face contact. I'm a bit shy. It took me almost two years to have a play date/get together with another mommy from my daughter's play group. Two years! We saw each other once a week for two years, talked during the class, and I still couldn't get up the nerve to say, "Hey. Let's get together with the kids and enjoy some adult conversation." It took me two whole fuckin' years! I suck at small talk. That's my issue. Yeah, that's it. That's gotta be it.

Ya wanna know the stupid thing? We bought a house a little over a year and a half ago and our next door neighbor has four children. Their youngest are boy/girl twins who will be in the same grade as my toddler when they start school. The stupid thing? Well, the stupid thing is that we say "Hi" when we see each other and sometimes will have a five minute conversation, but have I once said, "Hey. Why don't you come over for some coffee/tea and the kids can play with each other?" Nope. Not once. Why? We are probably the same age and we have a lot, it seems, in common. Uck. I'm just a coward. What am I so afraid of. The worst she can say is, "No thanks. Not interested."  And I know she wouldn't say that, so what's stopping me? We'll be neighbors for a very long time (most likely), so why not be friends, too?

The weather is getting warmer. I am not pregnant or trying to get pregnant anymore. My twins are getting into a steady routine. My toddler is a bit more independent. I think it's about time to start making plans with other moms. Moms from my daughter's play group. Moms on my block. It's gotta be done or I'll go more crazy than I am now. I have to have other moms to talk to about day to day life with kids and husbands and houses. It's way overdue. Now, let me go to practice some small talk in my mirror while I try not to be embarrassed that I'm actually doing that.

Monster Mommy

I adore my children. They are and forever will be my heart and soul running free, split three ways. With that said, I sometimes have an alter ego...Monster Mommy.

No one likes Monster Mommy, especially me. All three see Monster Mommy sometimes when the loud screaming, whining, and crying is tripled. They hear Monster Mommy scream, "Stop crying already!" Sometimes they hear Monster Mommy scream, "Do not say "No" to me again. I am your mother. You listen to me." Monster Mommy knows this does not help the situation, but for a brief second, and I mean "second" it seems to calm the headache.

Headache. I have had a headache for the past five and a half years. It began a couple of months after I got married in 2009. This headache has been with me through all four of my pregnancies. It has witnessed two losses, countless tests, one uterine surgery, poking and prodding, medications, three disappointments, pregnancy, completely natural childbirth (baby over 8lbs), six breast infections/abscesses, two breast surgeries, depression, more tests, more poking and prodding, more medications, five disappointments, buying a house, another set of tests, lots of poking and prodding, a ton more medications, twin pregnancy, extremely shortened cervix at 25 weeks along, twin vaginal birth (each baby over 6lbs) at 34 weeks along, and now a three year old and five month old twins.

It has been a busy five and a half years. It has beaten me down and picked me back up again. It has done a number on my body. It has forever changed my life and who I am. All this and I would not change a thing. If I had the chance to go back and not have any of the losses or disappointments, I would not have my beautiful winter Lily or my sweet Killian or my precious Piper. I would not know their love and that would be the most horrible thing to happen.

So Monster Mommy may come out every now and again, but don't we mothers need a little bit of a scary voice to, at times, control out of control kids? I hope to one day perfect Monster Mommy into not having a voice at all. I hope to perfect her, as my mother did, by just having "the look." Oh, the look that sends chills down your spine. The look that let's you know you're in trouble and you better make a run for it. The look that says, "Go ahead. Try that one more time and see what happens." Yeah, that look. My three year old laughs at my look now and makes her own right back at me. One day, Lily. One day, you and your brother and sister will dread that look. One day, you won't want to do anything that may bring out that Monster Mommy. Then, maybe then, my headache will go away.

Work or Stay At Home

Before I got pregnant with our first daughter, now three years old, I had a long discussion with my husband about whether or not I would continue to work. I was making a pretty decent salary, but then I worked out some numbers. It is a numbers game here because I could've kept working. I could've paid for daycare. I could've, but I didn't and it all came down to numbers. Well, numbers and the fact I didn't want some stranger practically raising our child. For some, they have no choice in the matter, but I was and am very fortunate to be able to stay home to care for my family. 

So, there we were discussing our future or more-so, my working future and I laid it all out for my husband. If I continued to work, practically my entire salary would be paying for daycare. Let me repeat, "My entire salary!" I would be working for the sole purpose of having one child in daycare. What was the point of that? It didn't make sense. And forget about the fact that we now have twins. My whole paycheck plus some of my husband's would be paying for it. How ridiculous is that? I really don't know how both parents who work do it, let alone single parents. 

The daycare scene is a money maker, definitely. I'm on Long Island, New York, so I'm not sure what it's like in other parts of New York or in other states, but here, the price to put your child in daycare is costly. I guess it should be since you want the people who are taking care of your children to be happy. If they get paid very little or it isn't a very nice facility, then you might have issues. So I guess expensive daycare equals quality care? Who knows. All I know is I don't have to know. My situation is a blessing. So to all those working moms out there, I hope you are getting the best quality care for your children. To all those SAHM's, I hope you're giving the best quality care. In the end, it's all about the Benjamin's...and Katie's...and Joey's...and Jennifer's...and.....