I Need Mommy Friends

Sad, but true

I need mommy friends. Friends with a similar lifestyle. I'm in my, dare I say it, late 30's, and I need friends who can relate to me and who I can relate to. Married with children, home-owners, mom of twins would also be nice. It's hard to get together with my old friends. It's hard because of scheduling conflicts (theirs, not mine). It's hard because, as much as I love my old friends, we have nothing in common anymore. I am a sahm of one toddler and baby twins. I am a wife. I am a home-owner. I drive a mini-van for Pete's sake! My friends are still single. No children. Work full time. Even though we may have things to talk about, most of the time it's about the past. The past is OK, but, with a husband and three kids, I'm living in the present and looking to my future.

Is it wrong for me to want to move on? Is it wrong for me to want to keep these friendships even though we never see or talk to each other? Is it wrong to want more compatible friends? Is it wrong to get frustrated by all the cancelled plans (not by me). Is it wrong? Why am I made to feel guilty about wanting more? Wanting to hang out with someone who can get where I'm coming from. I can still get where my friends are coming from because I've been there, done that. But my friends have never been there, done that in respect to what my life is like now. I can't talk to them about the hardships of raising a toddler. About how annoying potty training is. About having been pregnant with twins and what it was like to go home from the hospital without them. About how hard it is trying to make it through the day without crumbling to the floor sobbing because you're so stressed out by all the crying and whining and screaming and all the times you have to say "No." About how awesome it is to have three children. About how awesome it is to have such a supportive husband. I can't talk about any of that. I can't have a conversation about the things that matter most in my life because it would be a one way conversation.

So I need mommy friends. This is a dilemma in itself because I am so bad at meeting new people. I suck at small talk. Sure, I can write pretty well, and I may seem outgoing in my writings, but I am an introvert when it comes to face to face contact. I'm a bit shy. It took me almost two years to have a play date/get together with another mommy from my daughter's play group. Two years! We saw each other once a week for two years, talked during the class, and I still couldn't get up the nerve to say, "Hey. Let's get together with the kids and enjoy some adult conversation." It took me two whole fuckin' years! I suck at small talk. That's my issue. Yeah, that's it. That's gotta be it.

Ya wanna know the stupid thing? We bought a house a little over a year and a half ago and our next door neighbor has four children. Their youngest are boy/girl twins who will be in the same grade as my toddler when they start school. The stupid thing? Well, the stupid thing is that we say "Hi" when we see each other and sometimes will have a five minute conversation, but have I once said, "Hey. Why don't you come over for some coffee/tea and the kids can play with each other?" Nope. Not once. Why? We are probably the same age and we have a lot, it seems, in common. Uck. I'm just a coward. What am I so afraid of. The worst she can say is, "No thanks. Not interested."  And I know she wouldn't say that, so what's stopping me? We'll be neighbors for a very long time (most likely), so why not be friends, too?

The weather is getting warmer. I am not pregnant or trying to get pregnant anymore. My twins are getting into a steady routine. My toddler is a bit more independent. I think it's about time to start making plans with other moms. Moms from my daughter's play group. Moms on my block. It's gotta be done or I'll go more crazy than I am now. I have to have other moms to talk to about day to day life with kids and husbands and houses. It's way overdue. Now, let me go to practice some small talk in my mirror while I try not to be embarrassed that I'm actually doing that.