Just Don't Do It

A picture from Uncanny Annie's facebook page seems to be making the rounds on social media and I thought I might put my two cents in, for what it's worth. Being a mom of twins has definitely opened my eyes to a world that I never knew existed when my daughter (now 3-1/2 years old) was a baby. It's so different being out and about with twins, and I'm not talking about all the stuff I lug around. No, it's the comments and looks from complete strangers. So I had a thought, for all you people out there that think it's OK to ask personal questions to a mom of twins (or more), this is how it would be if you asked the same kind of questions to a singleton mom:

You would never think to ask a mother of a singleton how she conceived, so let's look at the questions I get asked on a regular basis when I'm out with my twins and 3 year old. BUT instead of looking at the questions as they are asked about twins, let's look at them as they would be asked about a singleton. Yes, may seem ridiculous, but so are the questions...

I was in Kohl's the other day with all three of my kids. My three year old happily jumping around the racks of clothes while my twins were happily playing with their stroller toys. I was shopping for me, something I rarely do these days, but I needed a dress for an upcoming wedding. So there I am, minding my own business and, no exaggeration, every person that I passed or who passed me stared at my twins and/or made a comment. Sometimes the comments were to me, sometimes they were to my three year old, and other times they were just out there in the air for me to hear or not. Three different women asked my three year old, "So, your the big sister? How nice that you got two baby brothers to look after." Uh, my twins are clearly boy/girl. So I don't put bows in my twin daughter's hair, but I dress her in girly clothes. On this particular day, my son was wearing a Star Wars shirt and dark gray shorts, and my twin daughter was wearing a turquoise tank with a pink, purple, and yellow polka dotted skirt. Clearly anyone who just glanced at my babies could tell they were different sexes. These three women though, were blind. They had to be.

Then there was the woman who told me, as she was touching my twin's feet, that she knew a set of twins once. Oh, good for you! I just smiled and slowly backed my stroller up so she would get the hint to "Stop touching my babies with your dirty stranger hands!" Seriously, don't ever touch a baby or a child unless you know the mother or father personally.

OK, I think I made my point here. For all of you who still don't get it, let me recap:

1. It's very nice that you are curious about twins, but please refrain from asking personal questions. It's rude and frankly non of your business. If you're that curious about how twins are conceived or if twins run in families, look it up on the internet. Just don't ask us.
2. Don't touch my kids. It makes me uncomfortable and it makes my kids uncomfortable. Unfortunately, most kids are too naive or respectful of adults to tell the person not to touch. Also, you might get bitched out by the mom. Sorry not sorry. Those are my kids and you are a stranger. Just don't do it.
3. Don't get pissy because all of us twin mommies (or triplet, quads, etc) don't want most of the attention when we are out and about. Give us a break. We're lucky to even be out and about. Don't bombard us with questions we don't really care to answer. Always think, "Would I be asking this mom the same questions if she just had one baby?" If the answer is yes, then it might be OK to ask, but if the answer is no, just don't do it. 
4. Look, I am very aware that some women may feel the need to ask certain questions because of their own personal reasons/struggles and I feel for you. Believe me, I went through so much pain and heartache to have my three babies. But that doesn't mean I want to discuss my trials with every stranger EVERY SINGLE TIME I leave my house. That's why some women write blogs. Look some up on the internet if your curious about other women's reproductive journeys. That's what it's there for.
5. Lastly, if you are to make a comment, please be respectful and make it quick. We really just want to get in and get out of wherever we are before the next feeding or tantrum pursues.

Thank you for reading!

Twins After A Singleton

When we found out I was carrying twins, my first thought was, "We need a minivan." My second thought was "How am I going to split up my heart to love all three of my children equally?" When you have one child, all of your love is meant for that one child. My husband goes to work everyday and I'm a stay at home mom so my days were filled with quality alone time with my daughter. It was just me and her throughout the day and I loved it. We had our morning routine, our afternoon routine, and once my husband came home, a night routine for the three of us. So when we found out there would not only be one baby breaking up the routine, but two, I was a little more than nervous about it.

How was my daughter going to react when it wasn't just her and me anymore? Having twins would take up a lot more of my time than if it was just one. How was I going to manage it? How was I going to love these two new babies as much as I love my daughter? Would I be able to still have quality alone time with my daughter and quality alone time with the two other babies?

I was scared. Scared until our twins came home from the NICU. Our beautiful, sweet, and caring toddler was all about the babies. She was and is like a little mommy. She's nurturing and loving towards them. It's an amazing thing to see. I think about some stories I've heard about older siblings reacting badly towards the new baby and we've definitely lucked out with not having to worry about that. She is the Big Sister and loving every second of it.

Funny thing is that my heart did get split up equally for all three of my children. I don't know how, but it did. All the worrying should've been geared towards another concern. A concern that I had no clue about until our twins were home with us. "Am I spending enough time with our twins?"

Yes, I spend everyday, all day with our twins, but our bonding time is somewhat limited. They share my attention with not only each other, but with a three year old who still remembers what it was like before they got here. A time when she had all of my attention. It's so difficult to just sit and hold my twins individually for a period of time before I have to pay attention to the other one or my toddler. I used to hold my toddler for hours. Just staring at her, caressing her face, memorizing every little fold in her chubby little arms and legs. Studying the curve of her mouth and just breathing her sweet baby scent in. I'm lucky if I get five minutes to do that with my twins. My three year old is a three year old. She wants to play all the time and wants all the attention on her. It's hard when I tell her I can't play because I have to not only take the time to feed one baby, but two. Then it's time to change, not one diaper, but two. Then it's time to calm down, not one baby, but two. Put, not one baby down for a nap, but two. Check in on, not one baby, but two. And so on, and so on, and so on. What might take a half hour with a singleton is now taking an hour or more with twins. That is my biggest concern now. How does this affect my toddler? The constant, "No, I'm sorry. I can't right now I have to ___ with the babies."

Luckily, my three year old is patient (as patient as a three year old can be). She will wait for me to be done with the babies, for now, but will her patience run thin? I just feel guilty sometimes. Guilty for always having to say to my toddler, "One more second." and "I'll be right there after I ____ with the babies." Guilty for not being able to hold my twins for hours like I did when my toddler was their age. Guilty for feeling guilty. I'm sure most moms go through this, especially moms of twins after a singleton. I guess we just have to keep reminding ourselves that we are doing the best we can with what we were given - one body, two arms, two hands, and only twenty-four hours in the day.

Work or Stay At Home

Before I got pregnant with our first daughter, now three years old, I had a long discussion with my husband about whether or not I would continue to work. I was making a pretty decent salary, but then I worked out some numbers. It is a numbers game here because I could've kept working. I could've paid for daycare. I could've, but I didn't and it all came down to numbers. Well, numbers and the fact I didn't want some stranger practically raising our child. For some, they have no choice in the matter, but I was and am very fortunate to be able to stay home to care for my family. 

So, there we were discussing our future or more-so, my working future and I laid it all out for my husband. If I continued to work, practically my entire salary would be paying for daycare. Let me repeat, "My entire salary!" I would be working for the sole purpose of having one child in daycare. What was the point of that? It didn't make sense. And forget about the fact that we now have twins. My whole paycheck plus some of my husband's would be paying for it. How ridiculous is that? I really don't know how both parents who work do it, let alone single parents. 

The daycare scene is a money maker, definitely. I'm on Long Island, New York, so I'm not sure what it's like in other parts of New York or in other states, but here, the price to put your child in daycare is costly. I guess it should be since you want the people who are taking care of your children to be happy. If they get paid very little or it isn't a very nice facility, then you might have issues. So I guess expensive daycare equals quality care? Who knows. All I know is I don't have to know. My situation is a blessing. So to all those working moms out there, I hope you are getting the best quality care for your children. To all those SAHM's, I hope you're giving the best quality care. In the end, it's all about the Benjamin's...and Katie's...and Joey's...and Jennifer's...and.....

Having twins will be hard?

Wow. State the obvious now, thanks. Another one I get is, "How do you go anywhere with a 3 year old and baby twins?" Well, I put everyone in the car and drive. Duh! It may take me 45 minutes to get out, but I do what I gotta do. What people fail to realize is that until you are in a situation yourself, you have no clue about anything. Don't tell me what it must be like to have a toddler and twins when you don't even have kids. Don't give me advice on how to handle twins when you don't have twins. And no, it doesn't matter that you have more than one kid. It does not compare to having two infants/babies at the same time.

The hardest thing about having twins is the feeding schedule. My twins are on the same schedule so it's a major decision on who to feed first. The one that's more vocal gets first dibs but then I have to turn the one that's not eating away from seeing me feed the other one. They have a total melt down if they realize they're going second (even at almost five months of age). Jealous much?

Mommy of Twins rant over for today! Take no offense, please.

Singleton Belly vs Twin Belly - My 2 Pregnancies

So this was the difference between my pregnant belly with my daughter and my pregnant belly with my twins. Wow. I thought I was big with my daughter, but would ya look at the gigantor belly with my twins! How did I even stand without falling over? And don't forget about those stretch marks. I barely had any when pregnant with one, but look how being pregnant with twins made my belly look like a road map. 

It's strange because with both pregnancies I didn't think I was as big as I was. I loved having a pregnant belly, although when pregnant with twins, it did get extremely difficult. It was hard to do everything from simply getting on and off a chair to just walking to the bathroom. Plus I had a 2 year old to contend with. Life was not easy for me for those 34 weeks but it was worth every bit of discomfort!

Lily Emma - born 1/14/2012-------------------------------------------------------------Killian Orion & Piper Wren - born 10/13/2014

Lily came at 37 weeks                                                                                            Killian & Piper came at 34 weeks 4 days
8lbs, 2.2oz, 19in                                                                             Killina: 6lbs, .5oz, 19.5in / Piper: 6lbs, 2.2oz, 19.25in