A Look Back 8/7 - 8/13

Friday, 8/7:

• Went out to Greenport with my mom and the kiddies. My mom had some left over carousel tickets from July 4th. Lily and I rode the horsies three times. 

Sunday, 8/9:

• Went to Eisenhower Park. Dropped Dan and the kids off to play at the playground area and I went to do a photo shoot. I had a great model who wanted Rockabilly style photos. I got some amazing shots. They are posted on my photography facebook page if you're interested in viewing. Then spread the word. Thanks.
• Piper crawled for the first time!

Tuesday, 8/11:

• Had a consultation for a different pediatrician. Thanks to the recommendations of 4 different people we know, Lily, Killian, and Piper will now be going to Dr. Zaso in East Meadow. I liked what he had to say and he didn't judge me for having big babies. He just said that all babies grow at different rates and as long as they are within the parameters of what's healthy, everything is fine. This comment was unlike their now former pediatrician, who just told me I was overfeeding Killian and Piper and then leaving it at that with no suggestions on how to handle their weight. Oh, and when I told her what I was feeding them throughout the day, she didn't believe me. So disappointed since I've known that pediatrician since I was 12 years old. Oh well. Time for a change! 

Thursday, 8/13:

• Killian and Piper turned ten months old. They both are crawling. Killian pulls himself up to stand. Piper babbles up a storm. They both are picking up and eating finger snacks. Piper has eight teeth (four on top, four on bottom), Killian has six (four on top, two on bottom). Piper claps her hands whenever she gets excited or happy about something. And they both L-O-V-E their big sister, Lily.
• Had an eye exam. My eyes are a little worse than two years ago. Couldn't find frames I liked in that office so I told a couple of different ladies that worked there that I would shop around elsewhere for frames and bring them back to get fitted for the lenses. One woman was trying to tell me that I couldn't do that because the insurance was submitted for their office only. I explained to her that her office will do the lenses for prescription purposes, but I can and will get frames anywhere I want and my insurance will cover it. I told her I had done it in the past like that also. I think they might get commission on frames or something because another woman was trying to tell me that she will look in their basement for a style that I might like and call me when she has a few pairs to show. She said not to not go somewhere else since she probably can find something I will like. Then, a third woman was trying to convince me that every pair of frames looked good on me and I should just pick something. I told her I'm picky with what I put on my face because glasses are one of the first things people will notice about me. I have to really like what I will be wearing every single day for the next two years when my insurance says I can get new ones. Ugh. I hate people sometimes. 
• My mom and sister, Jackie, were over and we were sitting at my dining room table. Lily came over and sat on a chair...

Lily: "Mommy! One Beebo (points to my mom), two beebos (points to Jackie).

Me and my mom: Bahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! Sorry Jac. 

A Cavity?

Lily eating yogurt

Lily actually likes brushing her teeth. She doesn't eat too many sweets. She loves drinking water and only has a small juice box once a day at dinnertime. She would rather eat vegetables than anything else, so why? Why does my little three year old girl have a cavity?

My heart sank deep into my chest as the dentist confirmed what I already guessed. The very small black dot on Lily's back, left molar is in fact, a cavity. "How does a three year old get a cavity?" I asked the dentist as she was finishing up her exam. "Lack of brushing or not brushing good enough. Mom, you really need to help her when she brushes. Do you?"

I felt like I failed in some way, or at least, that's how she made me feel. Fact is, I do help Lily brush her teeth. I help her every morning and every night. Lily brushes, then I brush. I also pay close attention to that back, left molar because six months ago, the dentist mentioned they were keeping an eye on it. So have I failed as a parent? As a mother?

I made the appointment for Lily's filling and got out of the office as quickly as I could. I was a little embarrassed, truth be told. I felt like I was being judged. In my head, all I could think was, "I actually do brush Lily's teeth with her twice a day. I know some parents who have such a hard time getting their kids to brush even just once a day. Why is Lily the one who gets the cavity?" When I got home I did some research on cavities in toddlers. I found out that I wasn't the only parent questioning why this occurs.

I found out that dentists will blame the parent. They blame lack of brushing. They blame not flossing. That definitely is part of it, but there could be another reason why a three year old can get a cavity - family history. Read this article: The Surprising Truth About Cavities posted on parents.com.

So I'm not a failure. Sure, I could floss more with her, but really? She's three. I'm lucky I get a chance to actually brush her teeth since she loves brushing them all by herself like a big girl. She likes to floss, but when I say it's my turn, she has a fit. "Lily big girl! Lily do it! Not Mommy! Lily!" Yes... all exclamation points!

So we go back next month to get the cavity filled. Now I have to make the choice of having them attempt to fill it with or without nitrous oxide. Things I wish I didn't have to worry about. As a parent, I can only assume there will be so many things I will be worrying about and this is just one grain of salt from the bottle of life.

Mom, I Understand Now

I now understand you, Mom. I understand what it must have been like for you to raise the four of us. I understand the love, the worry, but above all, I understand the stress. I understand and don't blame you for certain things that you did or didn't do for me. I once was so angry at you for not looking at a drawing I did. I must have called out "Mom" so many times. I carried that hurt for a long time, until my own daughter called out to me to look at her drawing. One of, what seemed like, at least twenty drawings within ten minutes. It's overwhelming and stressful not to be able to even have a moment to think in peace and quiet, and I don't blame you now for not wanting to look. I know now that you most likely looked the first ten or so times I called for you. Just like I looked at my daughter, but then needed to concentrate on something else for a second or two.

I understand now the stress you must have felt when you would smash a glass to the floor. I, so many times want to break things. It must have given you a few seconds of relief knowing that it's better to smash a glass than one of our faces. It sounds odd, but when you are a mother, you can understand how some people snap. You just have to remember that snapping is definitely something you don't want to do. It's better to just quietly walk away and sometimes, if the moment calls for it, break something.

Mom, I totally get why you sometimes just walked out the front door, got into your car and drove away. The noise we must have made. The yelling and screaming. The loud talking. The ganging up on you for attention. The wants and needs of all of us all day, every day, must have given you anxiety. Anxiety that I now feel. I thought I was having a heart attack one night a few months ago after a long and stressful day with Lily and the twins. I really just needed to drive away, as you did, to catch my breath. Just a little space to breathe even if it was only for a few minutes. No kids hanging on me. None yelling, crying, or whining at the tiniest of things. Just quiet. Lovely, I used to take for granted, quiet.

I get sacrifices and the ones you made for us. I never truly understood what sacrifice meant until I had kids. I will give up everything for myself just so Lily, Killian, and Piper can have what they need and sometimes what they want but not necessarily need. Giving up the last piece of cake, that cute top you saw when rushing through the store, hobbies, alone time. Some are trivial sacrifices and others are big, but I know I will never regret giving up anything just to make my kids happy and I imagine you don't either. I just want you to know, because moms don't get told very often, I appreciate every single sacrifice you made and still make.

I know now that when you jokingly say "... because I was such a bad mother" you're not really joking. You may want reassurance that you weren't a bad mom. Or you may feel that you really were because of certain things we may say. At one time, I may have thought some of the things you did or said were not "motherly" or caring, but that was before I became a mom. Moms are people, too. We aren't infallible just because we become mothers. Sure, we almost always know what's best, but we do make mistakes. Children will not understand that and they will hold it against us until the day they have children. Then, only then, do we as children understand. So, the next time you want to say, "...because I was such a bad mother," hold your tongue. You don't deserve to feel that way. Especially around me.

Out of the four of us, Mom, I'm the only one that gets you. I look back at turning points in my relationship with you. The first time I didn't want you to touch me lovingly. All the times I said I hated you. When I was embarrassed to be seen with you. I know these are phases kids go through, but I don't want to imagine what those moments must have felt like for you. I know that one day, my own children will do the same and when that time comes, I know my heart will ache. I also know that I will be thinking of how I now understand that part of you, too.

I love you, Mom. For everything you did and do for us, for me. I know that you will always be there for me and sometimes I don't even need to say one word, you just know that I need you. Just like I know when my children need me.

Mom, I understand now. I understand because I am a mom of three. I understand because my eyes are opened to your world now.

Lily Didn't Do It

Nope. Lily didn't do it. She didn't write on her table. My three year old is very clear that her friends Roar and Robot did it!

I love her imagination. Her imaginary friend, Roar, is the monster from her room that used to scare her until I told her to introduce herself to him. Now they are besties! Her friend Robot came along after we watched the movie The Iron Giant. Then, of course, she has to make her other friends help clean up. These would include the Fisher Price Corn Popper and the Fisher Price Little People City Skyway.

So, yes, this video is primarily about Lily, but I can't help but notice all that unfolded laundry. I think there's three baskets full. Yes, all clean. This is like an everyday event around here. There is always at least one basket of laundry hanging around needing to be folded and put away. Hey, there are five of us, or more accurately, one three year old and two six month olds who go through clothes and bibs and burp cloths and blankets like it's the coolest thing to constantly be doing laundry. Well, it is the coolest thing, isn't it? Please tell me it's cool.

You Know You're A Parent of "3 under 4" When...

1. ... you hate laundry day because everyday is laundry day.
2. your 3 year old wants to march to the kitchen, bathroom, around the dining room table, or just about anywhere and you get tired after the first few steps.
3. ... before you feed the twins, you change one of their diapers and think "I can wait to change the other one's diaper until after they eat." Or you don't change both of their diapers until after they eat because, well, you'll just have to change them both again right after they eat anyway.
4. ... getting out of bed anytime in the night with twins is dreaded because you know as soon as you take care of one baby, you'll get all cozy in bed again and the other one will wake up.
5. ... you secretly jump for joy when someone, anyone, calls you up to take even just one child off your hands for a few hours - even if it's just to come over to play in his/her room.
6. ... it takes you two hours to get everyone ready and in their car seats to go out somewhere.
7. ... you have given up trying hard for your 3 year old not to put her snotty, coughy, grimy hands all over your 6 month old twins' faces. It's better for everyone to be sick at the same time anyway, right?
8. ... you realize you're sorta an expert when it comes to multitasking and laugh at parents of one who complain about not being able to get stuff done.
9. ... you fantasize about running away to a remote island or your car for a few hours.
10. ... you have all three kids hanging on you and you think, "I have an amazing life" then someone spits up all over your shirt.
11. ... someone spits up all over your shirt and you smile because you know you'll be doing another load of laundry that day anyway.

Toddlers and Markers

OK, cute. Right? Also funny, but being the parent of a child who does this, you gotta be very careful how you react. When my three year old came into my bedroom Sunday morning with a huge smile on her face screaming excitedly, "Mommy! Lily O K.C.! Lily O K.C.!" I should not have laughed. Not out loud, at least. But I did. It was funny. She was funny.

Let's take this back a bit so you understand where my daughter came up with the idea to "tattoo" herself. My big brother, my only brother, has a ton of tattoos. Here's a picture so you can kinda get the idea:

This was Lily and my brother when she was two and a half months old, so she's seen tattoos her whole life. Nothing out of the ordinary for her. My brother, her uncle (or "O" as Lily puts it) also has a beard. Again, nothing out of the ordinary for her. Every time Lily sees a guy with a beard or sees tattoos, she immediately associates it with her "O K.C."

So, that was the back story. Flash forward to this past Sunday and now you know why she drew on herself. She wanted to be like her O K.C. and have tattoos. I have no idea why she was thinking about that and what prompted her to pick up the marker, but she did and it was very funny. I always see or hear stories about children who do this type of thing but never imagined my daughter would do it. I, myself, had once drawn on my body with a kid's blue eyeshadow "crayon." Long story short, I fell asleep and because I was a very heavy sleeper, my aunt and parents thought I was unconscious, turning blue because I was dying and rushed me to the hospital. I didn't wake up until after the nurse called over the speaker, "Code Blue!" and the doctor realized what was really going on. Good times. I wonder if my parents laughed about that one when we all got home from the hospital?

Anyway, let me say again how I should not have laughed out loud... This picture was from yesterday (Monday).

Great. Now she gave herself a beard. Still proclaiming she's O K.C. and very proud of herself. Remind me to hide the markers! At least we only buy washable markers, crayons, and paint for her so cleanup wasn't that bad. I also should be relieved that her artistic abilities of making herself look oh so fantastic, didn't spill over to her baby brother and sister who were sitting by her, most likely watching her do this to herself. So, thanks Lily? I guess?

Why I Know It's OK To Cry At Any Milestone

It's a sad day indeed. My three year old said "Killian." Well, she really said "Killilan" but close enough. Killian is her baby brother. I should be happy that she said his name. She's been able to say her sister's name, Piper, for a while now, so why is it making me sad for her to say her brother's?

To answer this question we must go back a year. January 2014 to be exact. January of 2014, around the time of her second birthday, Lily was only saying one coherent word, "Daddy." She then had her own language for everything else, including her own version of sign language. Point was, she needed speech therapy. We went through all the channels to get her an in-home therapist twice a week. Within six months, Lily was putting words together and you could sorta follow what she was saying. Then, by her third birthday this past January, she was done with speech and talking up a storm. There are still some words that she just can't say, but she's three and it just makes her sound so darn cute.

Anyway, one of these words was her brother's name, Killian. She could never pronounce it and her version of his name was "Titi." Don't ask me how she got Titi from Killian, but she did and I liked it. It would be what she called him, forever. Her own nickname for him. Unfortunately, it would come to an end. Out of the blue, a couple of days ago, she pointed at her brother and said, "Killilan." I was very proud of her for saying his name correctly. It didn't quite hit me though until she started saying it all the time. I asked her if she will still call him Titi and she responded with, "No Mommy. He Killilan." I teared up. I wanted to full on cry, but then I thought that was silly of me, plus my husband was home from work and I didn't really want to explain why I was crying in fear I would cry even harder.

My little girl is growing up. She's accomplished so much with her speech, but it hasn't really sunk in to what that really means until she said that one word, "Killilan." Lily is not my baby anymore. She's my toddler going on pre-schooler. She's picking out her own clothes to wear everyday and making other choices like what to eat and what color she likes - white. She's slowly becoming her own little person and it makes me so happy and so sad at the same time. I can only imagine that other moms and dads feel the same when their children reach a certain age or hit a certain milestone. It makes me wonder about my own parents and what was it that I did or said that made them think I wasn't their baby anymore? For that matter, what was it that my older brother did and my two younger sisters did to make them think that? Did it make them as happy and as sad as it's making me feel?

I don't even want to think about when my twins get to that point 'cause that will be it for me - no more babies. That part of my life will be over. I think that makes me feel the saddest. That's why I know it's OK that I cried over that one little word. That's why I know it's OK to cry at any milestone. My babies can't stay babies forever, except, maybe in my heart.

Blatz Beer Ad

I didn't realize all I needed was a case of Blatz Beer in the house. Geez, it means so much to me as a young mother who is so tired of listening to my baby cry. I need that case of beer to act as a stimulating tonic and don't get me started on how healthy it is for me and my baby. Isn't it so obvious by the dazed look on my baby's face that he is enjoying it, too? I mean, really. Drinking beer at 3 month of age is nothing. He certainly won't grow up to be an alcoholic. This is Blatz Beer for goodness sake!

My Top 4 (Fictional) Parenting Role Models

There are a few television shows we watch at my house that have the best parenting role models. I know they are fictional and nobody can truly be all calm and collective by a rambunctious and/or destructive toddler, but I want to be that way most of the time. Here are a few parents or caregivers from shows that we as parents need to take note of so we don't end up stressing over all the things toddlers and older children do:

Mommy and Daddy Pig (Peppa Pig). They do get frustrated at Peppa and her younger brother, George, but they always talk in a calm voice and explain why something was wrong or bad. They don't yell or talk at Peppa as most parents do, myself included. It's really hard to keep a calming tone in your voice when all you want to do is scream as loud as you can at the fact your toddler has deliberately tossed her entire cereal on the floor all the while looking at you with a devilish look in her eyes as if to say, "Hey, Mom. Look what I'm doing. Whatcha gonna do 'bout it? Yell? I still won't clean it up, sucka."

The Man With the Yellow Hat (Curious George). This guy is so understanding it sometimes makes me angry. Then I realize George doesn't know any better because he is a monkey and I assume that's the reason for the yellow hat man's nonchalant approach to "parenting." Then I think that a toddler really doesn't know any better either and I should have the same attitude as well. Why get so aggravated by the fact my three year old turns getting her pajamas on into a game of run around naked and show off my butt? Is it really that important to be all serious with her about it being bedtime and not playtime. Why can't I take two minutes to laugh and giggle with her to show that I find her spirit and playfulness to be exactly how it should be at her age? Why do I have to make it difficult for her to enjoy life, which is basically what I'm doing when I yell at her for playing? I know there's a time to play and a time to be serious and get things done, but at three years old? How is taking two minutes to say, "yes, that's so funny and you are so funny, now let's get those p.j.'s on" gonna hurt? It actually takes longer to get mad than it does to go along with it. By yelling and getting mad in turn gets her mad and then a temper tantrum is on the rise. Just take a tip from The Man With the Yellow Hat and go with the flow every now and then.

Ruby (Max and Ruby). First of all, where are Max and Ruby's parents? They leave a seven year old to take care of a, what? Two to three year old? That's a different subject all together though. OK, big sis Ruby. She never gets truly aggravated by the annoyance that is her little brother. She explains her reasonings for things and calmly leads Max to do "the right thing." Of course, sometimes Max was right all along or he has happy accidents to seem like he was actually helping Ruby out. Nevertheless, Max is annoying and Ruby knows it but she also knows that he is a toddler and toddlers do play and get into trouble and they, for the most part, don't realize anything is wrong by what they do. Ruby, herself, is also annoying and bossy, but who's disciplining her? Not her parents.

All the adults (Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood). Not only do these adults have really catchy jingles to explain the reasonings about stuff, they always kneel down or try to get at eye level with the kids. This is a tactic I have noticed works a lot with my toddler - talking to her eye to eye. It must be intimidating to have a much larger person talk down at you in a stern voice. By taking a knee or sitting, you are making the situation a little less stressful for your little one. They may listen better to what you have to say rather than have a total melt down and scream at every little sound that comes out of your mouth. When I get down to talk calmly eye to eye with my three year old, she usually will comply with what I'm trying to get across and then wants to hug. It doesn't always go smoothly but when it does, it feels so nice.

So, the next time you feel like you want to strangle your toddler for whining and screaming for the fifteen-thousandth time to get what she wants, remember these parents and ask yourself, "What would Mommy Pig do?" Then take a breath, relax your mind, and try to calm the devil in your toddler.