Why I Know It's OK To Cry At Any Milestone

It's a sad day indeed. My three year old said "Killian." Well, she really said "Killilan" but close enough. Killian is her baby brother. I should be happy that she said his name. She's been able to say her sister's name, Piper, for a while now, so why is it making me sad for her to say her brother's?

To answer this question we must go back a year. January 2014 to be exact. January of 2014, around the time of her second birthday, Lily was only saying one coherent word, "Daddy." She then had her own language for everything else, including her own version of sign language. Point was, she needed speech therapy. We went through all the channels to get her an in-home therapist twice a week. Within six months, Lily was putting words together and you could sorta follow what she was saying. Then, by her third birthday this past January, she was done with speech and talking up a storm. There are still some words that she just can't say, but she's three and it just makes her sound so darn cute.

Anyway, one of these words was her brother's name, Killian. She could never pronounce it and her version of his name was "Titi." Don't ask me how she got Titi from Killian, but she did and I liked it. It would be what she called him, forever. Her own nickname for him. Unfortunately, it would come to an end. Out of the blue, a couple of days ago, she pointed at her brother and said, "Killilan." I was very proud of her for saying his name correctly. It didn't quite hit me though until she started saying it all the time. I asked her if she will still call him Titi and she responded with, "No Mommy. He Killilan." I teared up. I wanted to full on cry, but then I thought that was silly of me, plus my husband was home from work and I didn't really want to explain why I was crying in fear I would cry even harder.

My little girl is growing up. She's accomplished so much with her speech, but it hasn't really sunk in to what that really means until she said that one word, "Killilan." Lily is not my baby anymore. She's my toddler going on pre-schooler. She's picking out her own clothes to wear everyday and making other choices like what to eat and what color she likes - white. She's slowly becoming her own little person and it makes me so happy and so sad at the same time. I can only imagine that other moms and dads feel the same when their children reach a certain age or hit a certain milestone. It makes me wonder about my own parents and what was it that I did or said that made them think I wasn't their baby anymore? For that matter, what was it that my older brother did and my two younger sisters did to make them think that? Did it make them as happy and as sad as it's making me feel?

I don't even want to think about when my twins get to that point 'cause that will be it for me - no more babies. That part of my life will be over. I think that makes me feel the saddest. That's why I know it's OK that I cried over that one little word. That's why I know it's OK to cry at any milestone. My babies can't stay babies forever, except, maybe in my heart.