12 Reasons Why Motherhood Made Me A Gross Person

Yes, I am a mother. A mother of three beautiful children. My oldest girl is three years old, and I have (almost) five month old boy/girl twins. Being their mommy has made me a really gross person. I mean, really. I hope not to be alone in this grossness of mothering because if it's just me, then I probably should get help.

12 Reasons Why Motherhood Has Made Me A Gross Person

1. While pregnant, I threw up in my bathroom trash can while sitting on the toilet at least twice a day and when I was finished I would eat a hot dog because that seemed to help.
2. I pee myself. Yup. I admit it. I sometimes pee my pants. This occurred while pregnant and after. It can't be helped unfortunately. While pregnant, especially with my twins, the pressure on my bladder was immense. After pushing all three babies out of my you-know-what, well, that should be obvious, I now have weak pelvic muscles. I sneeze and sometimes a little comes out. 
3. I pick other human being's noses. And ears. And that stuff I like to call "punks" in between fingers and toes. And belly button fuzz. And eye boogies. And I'm not the least bit grossed out by it.
4. I put feet in my mouth. Baby feet, of course, but still feet.
5. I smell butts. On purpose. I'm smelling for poo, or a lot of pee.
6. I get poo on my fingers, hands, and sometimes clothes at least once a day and I'm OK with it.
7. If my husband changes a poop diaper, I ask him what it looked like. I am genuinely curious about the state of my little one's poo (hard or soft and what color it was).
8. I say, "Hooray!" for poopoo and peepee. Potty training in full effect, yo!
9. I sometimes don't shower for a couple of days. Who has time for showers when you have a toddler and baby twins hanging on you 24/7? If I am lucky enough to take a shower, it's a madd rush to get it done in under 5 minutes. It's a race to see who will do something first: babies crying, toddler getting into something she's not supposed to, or me, finishing my shower. 
10. I pick spilled food off the floor, blow on it and put it back on my toddler's plate. Hey, don't judge me on this one. After she spills her food for the fifteenth time, I can only throw out so much before she doesn't have anything to eat. I just think of it as an immunity booster. Plus, my floor isn't that dirty. I do sweep, mop, and vacuum. 
11. I get spit up on, wipe it up and remain in spit up stained and smelly clothes. Hey, it'll just happen again so why bother making more dirty laundry.
12. My toddler lovingly farts on me and laughs. I laugh with her.

Ask me if I'm embarrassed by any of these things and my answer will be, "Not really." Why? Because that's how gross motherhood is, that's why!