Just Don't Do It

A picture from Uncanny Annie's facebook page seems to be making the rounds on social media and I thought I might put my two cents in, for what it's worth. Being a mom of twins has definitely opened my eyes to a world that I never knew existed when my daughter (now 3-1/2 years old) was a baby. It's so different being out and about with twins, and I'm not talking about all the stuff I lug around. No, it's the comments and looks from complete strangers. So I had a thought, for all you people out there that think it's OK to ask personal questions to a mom of twins (or more), this is how it would be if you asked the same kind of questions to a singleton mom:

You would never think to ask a mother of a singleton how she conceived, so let's look at the questions I get asked on a regular basis when I'm out with my twins and 3 year old. BUT instead of looking at the questions as they are asked about twins, let's look at them as they would be asked about a singleton. Yes, may seem ridiculous, but so are the questions...

I was in Kohl's the other day with all three of my kids. My three year old happily jumping around the racks of clothes while my twins were happily playing with their stroller toys. I was shopping for me, something I rarely do these days, but I needed a dress for an upcoming wedding. So there I am, minding my own business and, no exaggeration, every person that I passed or who passed me stared at my twins and/or made a comment. Sometimes the comments were to me, sometimes they were to my three year old, and other times they were just out there in the air for me to hear or not. Three different women asked my three year old, "So, your the big sister? How nice that you got two baby brothers to look after." Uh, my twins are clearly boy/girl. So I don't put bows in my twin daughter's hair, but I dress her in girly clothes. On this particular day, my son was wearing a Star Wars shirt and dark gray shorts, and my twin daughter was wearing a turquoise tank with a pink, purple, and yellow polka dotted skirt. Clearly anyone who just glanced at my babies could tell they were different sexes. These three women though, were blind. They had to be.

Then there was the woman who told me, as she was touching my twin's feet, that she knew a set of twins once. Oh, good for you! I just smiled and slowly backed my stroller up so she would get the hint to "Stop touching my babies with your dirty stranger hands!" Seriously, don't ever touch a baby or a child unless you know the mother or father personally.

OK, I think I made my point here. For all of you who still don't get it, let me recap:

1. It's very nice that you are curious about twins, but please refrain from asking personal questions. It's rude and frankly non of your business. If you're that curious about how twins are conceived or if twins run in families, look it up on the internet. Just don't ask us.
2. Don't touch my kids. It makes me uncomfortable and it makes my kids uncomfortable. Unfortunately, most kids are too naive or respectful of adults to tell the person not to touch. Also, you might get bitched out by the mom. Sorry not sorry. Those are my kids and you are a stranger. Just don't do it.
3. Don't get pissy because all of us twin mommies (or triplet, quads, etc) don't want most of the attention when we are out and about. Give us a break. We're lucky to even be out and about. Don't bombard us with questions we don't really care to answer. Always think, "Would I be asking this mom the same questions if she just had one baby?" If the answer is yes, then it might be OK to ask, but if the answer is no, just don't do it. 
4. Look, I am very aware that some women may feel the need to ask certain questions because of their own personal reasons/struggles and I feel for you. Believe me, I went through so much pain and heartache to have my three babies. But that doesn't mean I want to discuss my trials with every stranger EVERY SINGLE TIME I leave my house. That's why some women write blogs. Look some up on the internet if your curious about other women's reproductive journeys. That's what it's there for.
5. Lastly, if you are to make a comment, please be respectful and make it quick. We really just want to get in and get out of wherever we are before the next feeding or tantrum pursues.

Thank you for reading!