12 Reasons Why Motherhood Made Me A Gross Person

Yes, I am a mother. A mother of three beautiful children. My oldest girl is three years old, and I have (almost) five month old boy/girl twins. Being their mommy has made me a really gross person. I mean, really. I hope not to be alone in this grossness of mothering because if it's just me, then I probably should get help.

12 Reasons Why Motherhood Has Made Me A Gross Person

1. While pregnant, I threw up in my bathroom trash can while sitting on the toilet at least twice a day and when I was finished I would eat a hot dog because that seemed to help.
2. I pee myself. Yup. I admit it. I sometimes pee my pants. This occurred while pregnant and after. It can't be helped unfortunately. While pregnant, especially with my twins, the pressure on my bladder was immense. After pushing all three babies out of my you-know-what, well, that should be obvious, I now have weak pelvic muscles. I sneeze and sometimes a little comes out. 
3. I pick other human being's noses. And ears. And that stuff I like to call "punks" in between fingers and toes. And belly button fuzz. And eye boogies. And I'm not the least bit grossed out by it.
4. I put feet in my mouth. Baby feet, of course, but still feet.
5. I smell butts. On purpose. I'm smelling for poo, or a lot of pee.
6. I get poo on my fingers, hands, and sometimes clothes at least once a day and I'm OK with it.
7. If my husband changes a poop diaper, I ask him what it looked like. I am genuinely curious about the state of my little one's poo (hard or soft and what color it was).
8. I say, "Hooray!" for poopoo and peepee. Potty training in full effect, yo!
9. I sometimes don't shower for a couple of days. Who has time for showers when you have a toddler and baby twins hanging on you 24/7? If I am lucky enough to take a shower, it's a madd rush to get it done in under 5 minutes. It's a race to see who will do something first: babies crying, toddler getting into something she's not supposed to, or me, finishing my shower. 
10. I pick spilled food off the floor, blow on it and put it back on my toddler's plate. Hey, don't judge me on this one. After she spills her food for the fifteenth time, I can only throw out so much before she doesn't have anything to eat. I just think of it as an immunity booster. Plus, my floor isn't that dirty. I do sweep, mop, and vacuum. 
11. I get spit up on, wipe it up and remain in spit up stained and smelly clothes. Hey, it'll just happen again so why bother making more dirty laundry.
12. My toddler lovingly farts on me and laughs. I laugh with her.

Ask me if I'm embarrassed by any of these things and my answer will be, "Not really." Why? Because that's how gross motherhood is, that's why!

Used and Reviewed: Pampers vs. Huggies

 vs. 

This has been a long time debate on which brand of diapers are better. I have used both with all of my kids, but the ones I will always and forever recommend are Pampers. Here's why:

• I RARELY have had a leakage problem or a blowout with Pampers Swaddlers, Cruisers, & Easy Ups

That's all. Nothing else should matter when you are in the market for baby diapers. Really. Nothing else! I tried Huggies a couple of times. Different size diapers and even their Pull Ups couldn't hold pee and sometimes poop. Seriously. Every time I used them, there was another wet mess all over the place. Well, maybe you weren't putting them on correctly. Umm, really? Like, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know the correct way to put a diaper on a baby. 

I can say without a doubt that I will always and forever also buy Pampers wipes and not Huggies. Here's why:

• Pampers wipes are very strong
• Huggies wipes rip when I take one out to use, then another, and another. They also rip when wiping up a messy butt.

Great reasons if I say so myself, and I do. Why would anyone risk getting poop on their hands because the wipe couldn't do it's job? Why struggle trying to get a wipe out of the travel wipe case when you need to be quick about it when you're out and about? Pampers all the way!

FYI: I am not getting paid to make any reviews. These are just the things I have used or do use and want to let more parents know about. 

Baked & Reviewed: Chocolate Linzer Tart

OK, this one is for a friend who suggested I bake Linzer Tarts. I didn't have any raspberry or strawberry preserves in the house so I opted to make chocolate ones. I'm so glad I did. Holy moly goodness in my tummy!

I adapted a recipe from a few different linzer tart recipes I found on the web. They are firm enough to hold but when you bite into them, the cookie is soft. The chocolate is melt in your mouth tasty. I can't wait to eat another one!

Here's the recipe:

You mean a woman can open it?

Yay! I can finally open a ketchup bottle without the help of my strong and capable man. How did us women get so lucky? You are the best, Del Monte. Thank you so much for making it so easy to open your bottles. I know I am just a weak woman, but you give me the security of standing on my own whenever I need to put ketchup on something. I bet I won't even break a fingernail. Go, me!

Just Like Her Mommy

My daughter, Lily, is 3 years old and is so very sarcastic, witty, and funny. Of course she drives us crazy at times, what 3 year old wouldn't? But some of the things she comes up with are just amazing and she has such a wonderful imagination. Here's a few examples:

1. It was bedtime, I forget when. I'll say about 6 months ago. Anyway, Lily said she couldn't sleep because she was scared of the monster in her bedroom. I told her she should introduce herself to the monster. Maybe he is scared of her. Well, needless to say, "Roar" has been her friend ever since. She plays with him and they hold hands. It's kinda creepy the way she "looks" at him as if there really is someone there. She refers to him as "My Friend Roar" and he goes almost everywhere with her. Oh, and we just watched the movie Iron Giant and now she has a robot friend, too.
2. Lily closes her door for bedtime. She stands there for a second then starts rubbing the door. She hugs it, as best as you can hug something you can't put your arms around. Then she whispers, "I love you door" and gives it a kiss.

As a young child, I too cared for inanimate objects. I thought everything had feelings. Everything. I slept with a chair because I thought it had feelings and I didn't want it to feel left out while all of my stuffed animals and dolls were on my bed. Yes, I was that weird! I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

Me, circa 1981 (about the same age or just a tad bit older than Lily) with my favorite chair

Why ruin the evening, Mother?

Oh look, Mom is yelling. Of course Dad and son are thinking that Mom is always yelling for some reason or another. Better get Mom some New Ivory Soap for her "nerves." Yea, that'll help! Taking a bath is the sure fire way to relax and forget about all the bullshit you have to put up with day in and day out. It's also the best way to be the perfect wife and mother who will just laugh at the mess the kid left after running through the house with mud on his feet after having just washed the floors. It's also the best way to shrug off the fact that hubby tells you he just wants to relax and eat dinner after a hard day at work when he can clearly see that you have had a rough day yourself. No, "Thanks for making my favorite dinner, Mom." No, "Gee Honey, the house is spotless, you've done a good job." But don't let your feelings get the best of you, Mom. Don't let anyone know how hard it is for you to do what you do all day. God forbid they see you a little stressed out. No. Just get that bar of soap, take that bath, because as all of us SAHM's and housewives know, there is always enough time in our day to unwind in a nice warm tub.

Used and Reviewed: The Baby Brezza

They did not have this when my daughter was born, but this has definitely saved mine and my husband's life (OK, really just our ears)! Everybody who has a baby, AND ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE TWINS or more, go out and do yourself a favor: Get the Baby Brezza!!

The set up is really easy. With our first daughter, we were taking so much time to make a quart or more of formula so we could have it made ahead of time. We would be left with clumps of formula that wasn't able to mix in. Not good! Then the amount of foam was ridiculous. After storing it in the fridge, the heat up time was also annoying since we couldn't just grab the bottle quickly. The Baby Brezza makes all of that nonsense non-existent. Now, with our twins, we just place the bottle under the funnel part of the Baby Brezza, press the button and presto! A perfect bottle of formula each time in under 15 seconds.

Pros: 

• Easy to use functionality.
• Mixes formula and water without bubbles and foam.
• Keeps the water at just the right temperature for baby to drink.
• Fits really nicely on your kitchen counter (next to your Kurig Machine or Tassimo Machine! lol).
• Press the button and under 15 seconds later the bottle is made.

Cons:

• Only has the ability to make 2, 4, 6, 8, or 10 ounces of formula at a time. Not bad, but it would be nice to at least have the option to make 1 ounce or even 1/2 an ounce. Some formula may be wasted if you baby is only drinking, let's say, 7 ounces. No biggie, but formula is sooooo expensive.
• The water takes a little too long to warm up. I keep mine on all the time for this reason.
• It seems to only come in white (if anyone really cares about that).

All in all, I highly recommend this product. It saves a lot of time making those damn bottles, plus you don't get all that foam that makes baby gassy. You also don't have to heat the bottle up, which takes time as well. A great gift for yourself or someone else who has a singleton, even better if they have twins. WELL WORTH THE MONEY!

FYI: I am not getting paid to make any reviews. These are just the things I have used or do use and want to let more parents know about.